I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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