allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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