I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
