I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
