I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
