fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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