She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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