I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
