Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
