Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
