Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
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She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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