you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
