Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
