Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
