There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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