so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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