I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
