so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
