The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
