she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
