one two three fourrrrnication!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
