You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
