I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
