Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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