So drunk its hurt
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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