I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
