Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
