I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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