Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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