You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
