I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
