I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
