Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
