My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
