How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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