At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dick very happy bro
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
