He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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