You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
