Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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