there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
