im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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