Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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