You just made me feel so damn special
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dignity is for republicans.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
