Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
