I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
