We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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