after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
