I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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