you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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