Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
