she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
