come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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