I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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