My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
