So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
