dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
