Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
