I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
