I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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