On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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