my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
