whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
