I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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