You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
