Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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