why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
