When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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