i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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